{"id":5067,"date":"2021-10-17T14:19:41","date_gmt":"2021-10-17T21:19:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.breakingcodesilence.org\/?p=5067"},"modified":"2021-10-17T14:19:41","modified_gmt":"2021-10-17T21:19:41","slug":"isabellas-story-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.breakingcodesilence.org\/isabellas-story-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Isabella’s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was born in Russia and was adopted by a single mother who became sick with stage 3 ovarian cancer when I was 4 years old. She passed away when I was 12. After she died, I because extremely depressed and was self-harming intensely. I went to 4 different psych hospitals in California approximately 12 times in a single year. eventually, I became so unsafe that I could not go to school so my school suggested that I receive treatment. An educational consultant recommended that I be sent to a program in<\/span> Missouri in December of 2015.<\/p>\n

I was fine for the first few weeks there but I continued to self-harm and my condition became worse. I was kicked out of my program in Missouri after 16 months then transported to a program in Utah.\u00a0 While in Utah, I went to 3 psychiatric hospitals and 2 residential treatment centers within an 18 month period.\u00a0 In all of those programs, my self-harm became worse. I was in the emergency room two times a week either for cutting myself,\u00a0 swallowing objects, or some other type of harm to myself. I was woken up at 4 AM on the day I was transported out of Utah. At the time, I was sleeping in the hallway due to being on suicide watch.\u00a0 The program director, 2 huge men in black suits,\u00a0 and a lady told me to come with them. At that point, I was transported to Texas.<\/span><\/p>\n

I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I was tired of getting moved around. My self-harm was at its worst in Texas. That program kept me on 1:1 in a room with staff at arm’s length. I couldn’t have anything except the furniture that was already bolted in and a pillow and blanket. I had no coping skill. After a month, I was approved to have paper.\u00a0 After 2 months, I was allowed to have crayons. I was denied schooling due to not having privileges for writing instruments. I was in that room for 8 months and towards the end, I finally received my own blanket, crayons, and a journal. The abuse at the program was hidden but after I left, I realized how it had affected me.
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I was put on 8 meds in the morning, 4 in the evening, and 6 at night. I don’t remember almost half of them. I was drugged for the majority of my stay.<\/span><\/p>\n

In my last severe self-harm incident there, I took a large paper clip broke it in half, and swallowed it. For that entire night, I was in severe pain but since I always self-harmed, the staff said I was fine.<\/span><\/p>\n

I went to the doctor the next day and it was weirdly positioned. The doctor said I would pass it through my stool. However, a week later, I went back to the doctor and IT WAS STILL IN THE SAME SPOT. I was given Miralax and got told to keep checking my feces.<\/span><\/p>\n

2 weeks after I swallowed the paperclip,\u00a0 I was still in excruciating pain. I cut myself in the hopes that I could go to the ER since the program wouldn’t take me.<\/span><\/p>\n

After succeeding in being sent to the ER, The doctor walked into my room. I didn’t even bother to tell him about the cut. Instead, I told him that had a paperclip stuck in my stomach.<\/span><\/p>\n

Since it was stuck, they had an emergency endoscopy done. The procedure was supposed to take 15 minutes but it ended up being 2 hours due to a tear starting to rip in my stomach which was letting acid into places that should not be present.<\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor told me if that hadn’t been taken out that day I would’ve died within the next few days. According to the doctor, he thought I was extremely lucky.<\/span><\/p>\n

I returned after 3 days of being in the hospital and the first thing I said walking on the unit was, “I SAVED MYSELF AND YALL WERE GONNA LET ME DIE.”<\/span><\/p>\n

I was told to stop being dramatic. I was sent back to the empty room until I was pulled from the program.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was in 12 facilities from the ages of 14 to 18. Due to this, I never went to high school.\u00a0 I was released a month before I turned 18. Once I was released, I ended up in foster care and was put into a group home 3 days before my 18th birthday. Everything happens for a reason but much of what happened in treatment shouldn’t have happened. I will be forever affected by what I experienced.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I cannot take psychiatric meds anymore. I get very sick when I attempt to. I have extreme social anxiety now which I did not have before. That came from not having normal social interactions for years.<\/span><\/p>\n

I did not learn anything from treatment. Instead, I was able to get better despite them wanting to bring me down.<\/span><\/p>\n

A week before I was discharged, all the kids and STAFF were betting how long I would last on the outside before I killed myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite that, I had a few staff who were amazing. I thank them with all my heart for saving me at times I needed saving but that was a few staff, not the overall program.<\/span><\/p>\n

I would never return to that place in Texas. It doesn’t deserve anything good. They ruined good things for good people.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you for listening to my story<\/span>\ud83d\udc9e<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>