I’m an extrovert with severe childhood trauma involving peers and non-guardian adults as well as teenage trauma. I also have an inner ear issue which makes it hard for me to regulate my pitch. I was penalized for being “loud,” “disruptive,” “attention-seeking,” and “provocative” which I will get to in a second. While I did have a connection to the outside world, it was in a communal, group setting, and very closely monitored using a “point system format.”
I was told on multiple occasions that I was sexualizing myself – which was a common response to trauma, even if I was not doing so – and was told a “girl with my figure” (large chested) could/should never dress as I did. I think the worst experience of all was that I received death threats from other clients afterward saying I was faking everything because we were not allowed to tell even a clue as to why we were there. After reporting the incident to my mother, an employee that I had never met from their main office tried to tell my mom and I that I was the problem. I was was actively having a panic attack because someone just threatened to drown me.
I was also informed by the singular ‘friend’ at this center that I was a VERY common target of insult after leaving by both staff and peers. I was able to BS my way out but the damage was done… The worst part was they prayed on my parents who were desperate to keep me alive. The two people who have helped me the most and I am heartbroken and hurt at what this has done to our relationship. I don’t want to feel the resentment but still do feel it. It is still an active and ongoing trauma for me.
I was there because I was (TW) raped by my boyfriend at the time multiple times in a 6 month period as well as the childhood trauma that is so complex that it is in the word is in my diagnosis (C-PTSD). I had tried committing suicide but was found by my mother just in time. I have since learned many of my housemates there have since passed. Please, don’t send your children here….. Please.